Dear Dog Owner,
I was saddened to discover that you are deaf, blind and without a sense of smell. What is remarkable though is your persistence and enthusiasm that you display when walking your dog.
What?…. You’re not blind or deaf and your sense of smell is perfect! How can this be when clearly you have to be blind to miss the turd the size of Uluru your dog just dropped on the footpath? Surely you noticed the howls and grunts your dog produced during this period as it excreted a turd second to none? How is it that your olfactory system wasn’t completely overpowered by the steaming mound that not only caused an EPA alert for the foul stench, but also contributed a significant proportion of our green house gas emissions?
Perhaps I should be more understanding as clearly you are delusional and out of touch with your surroundings as well. Sadly, I also must conclude that you have a low IQ, but here I can help you out. A ‘Footpath’ is for ‘Walking On’ – note the clever way the words are related. You may possibly begin to realize that ‘footpath’ does not mean – ‘place to let dog drop godzilla sized turd’. Maybe there is some hope for you.
As I said above, I do admire your spirit for being able to travel outside and walk your dog, but please do the right thing and do not leave your dogs creations for others to discover.
Lots of Love
Dog Turd Victim